Finding Love in Hopeless Places
by bckwrds62442
Summary: After an unexpected loss, can Natasha help Clint and his family find joy again? [Rated T just in case]
1. Chapter 1

**New York City, 1AM.**

 _'They were found.'_

Natasha needed no further explanation after receiving the message. In less than 15 minutes, the woman was all set and ready to go, waiting for SHIELD's jet to take her here she was needed.

"Coulson." Natasha greeted her superior as soon as she walked in the quinjet "How's the situation?"

"Not good, Romanoff. Not good at all."

If Natasha didn't know better, she wouldn't have noticed that Phil was hiding something, but being the Black Widow, she was able to read the situation well enough to realize she was being lied to or something was being omitted. In the area she worked in, there was only one reason for omission before a mission had even started. Her heart started pounding so hard, she thought it was gonna rip through her chest.

"Coulson..." Breathing slowly, trying to calm down, Natasha forced herself to ask "Who's dead?"

If there was a God to believe in, that's Who Natasha prayed for on the 5 seconds Coulson waited before lowering his head and answering. "Laura." Obviously, she was not the greatest prayer.

When the name hit her ears, Natasha felt like the world was falling on her head. She'd never lost anyone before, she'd never knew the feeling anyone in her life. And as soon as the pain hit her chest, and her eyes started stinging, she wished she never felt that. When was the last time she cried? She didn't really know, but that was what she was doing.

God, not Laura. Not the only friend she'd ever had besides her partner. Clint. If she was hurting so much, she could never imagine how was he doing. And the children... Without Laura, she didn't know how they would make it. That beautiful family ruined just like that.

Suddenly, the air felt thick and scarce. Why was she having problems breathing? The jet was not falling, she had no lung injury...

Everything was blurry and shaky and now suffocating. Apparently, Natasha realized, crying was only one of the reactions after a loss, because she felt like dying when the hyperventilation started and was about to ask for an oxygen mask, being so unused to that feeling.

The crying agent felt a hand on her shoulder and was about to shake that hand out of there, but she looked up to see Coulson's eyes on her. He was trying to comfort her without invading her personal space, and she figured she needed that comforting hand more than she could ever admit.

"You'll mourn here." Phil started, gently but firm, after he got her attention "But when you walk out of this jet, Romanoff, you better look strong. Cry as much as you can in here, Natasha, because when you get there, you'll have to be the shoulder for that family to cry on." He said "That's why you're there. Not as an agent, neither as a partner, but as a friend."

Natasha wanted to protest. How could she, the Black Widow, be able to give that family the comfort they needed when she couldn't even deal with her own feelings? She was familiar with killing people, and not mourning their death. But her thoughts went back to Clint, her partner, her savior, her friend, and his children, the only family he had and the closest to a family she could ever have.

Natasha would be strong for them, she promised herself. She owed them for all the good things and feelings they gave her. She owed Laura, most of all, for inviting her to the family as a sister of hers, not Clint's, for allowing her to experience the feeling of having what Natasha had never had before.

Thinking about Laura intensified the pain again, the pain she though was gone after Coulson's words, so she allowed herself to cry again. To mourn the loss of her friend, her sister by heart.

Natasha then started to wonder if a pain like that could ever go away. Even if it wasn't as bad as many tortures of the Red Room, she felt as much pain as she felt after the survival tests, brainwashing or interrogation sessions in there.


	2. Chapter 2

When the jet hit the ground, 2 hours later, Natasha forced herself to dry her tears and stand up. Coulson left the jet first, offering her a hand to help her step on the field the jet was landed. "Thanks." She muttered.  
From afar, it was possible to see the barn, Clint's house, and all its surroundings. By the dim light coming from the living room, it looked clear that whatever action happened before, was over.  
"She wasn't..." Coulson tried to measure his words to explain the thoughts he knew she was having, but by the look in her face, it was clear she wanted nothing sugar coded. "Executed here" the word he just used felt strange in his tongue.  
Explaining why everything seemed so calm and untouched as they approached the house. "It happened in the kids school." Natasha's eyes widened at the information "Cooper's science fair. According to Fury, Laura said she was going to the bathroom but 30 minutes later, she hadn't come back yet. Clint and Lila went to look for her and found her in Lila's classroom... Her body, I mean. Clint saw it first and covered Lila's eyes, though. No one saw a thing... No suspects... Nothing..."  
Coulson kept talking but Natasha stopped paying attention. All her thoughts on Lila and how traumatized she would be after finding her mother like that, in her classroom, when everything was fine 30 minutes before.  
"Have they found any suspects?" The redhead asked, clenching her fists, ready to go wherever the guy was. "Do you need someone to make the interrogation?" But Phil shook his head.  
"Probably one of Barton's enemies... But it's still hard to tell."  
"I'll interrogate them one by one, then." She lowered her voice as they approached the front door.  
"SHIELD will take care of finding whoever did this, Natasha." Coulson said "While you take care of who needs you." He opened the front door.

As prepared as Natasha thought she was to walk through that door, nothing could've prepared her to what she felt when she first saw what was happening inside. Or what wasn't happening inside. Everything was so quiet and dark, the only light came from a lamp in the living room, where each member of the Barton family sat in silent, sadness visibly in their eyes, even if it was too dark to see anything else.  
She felt like crying again just by watching the scene in front of her. Cooper on the floor, holding his baby brother Nate, staring at nothing in particular, Lila curled like a ball on the other side of the living room, right beside the window, and Clint on the couch, head lowered and hands covering his face.  
Natasha turned her eyes away from them to wipe a stubborn tear that insisted to fall, and breath deeply. No one but Cooper seemed to notice the new presence in the house.  
"Auntie Nat." The boy hurriedly placed his baby brother on the floor and ran to hug her.  
Not being very sentimental herself, Natasha knew that her hugs were not the most comforting ones, but she hugged the boy tight anyway. Coulson patted his head while the child silently cried on Natasha's embrace.  
The woman figured that Cooper was trying to be strong and reliable before, so she let him take his time letting his tears fall while she held hers again.  
It would be a lie if Natasha said she wasn't annoyed by her teary emotional self, but she'd never felt like that before and it seemed that it was her reaction to the new situation she was in.  
"I'm so sorry, Coop." She said after the boy pulled back, wiping his tears with his sweater sleeves. He nodded at her, not saying a word.  
Coulson put his arms around the boy while Natasha grabbed Nate from the floor and put him inside a crib next to the couch. Next to Clint, who hadn't moved a finger after the agents arrived. The woman wanted to see if he was even breathing, but decided to give him some time. She needed to take care of the children first. That's what he would want her to do, what Laura would want her to do.  
After a quick glance to her partner, Natasja walked over to Lila's side, lowering herself right in front of her "Lila..." She called, no reaction received "Sweetie..." Calling her again and caressing her hair, the little girl looked up and, seeing Natasha in front of her, bursted in tears, throwing herself in Natasha's already opened arms.  
The woman stood up with the little girl in her arms and carried her to where Coulson was standing, taking to Cooper, who could only nod or shake his head.  
"Cooper, have you eaten?" Natasha asked, Lila still clinging onto her like a monkey. Cooper shook his head and Natasha looked at Coulson with widened eyes, as if saying 'these kids are hungry and I can't even make a French toast', to which the older agent only shrugged.  
She sighed. "You need to eat..." Trying to think about what to prepare, she motioned for Cooper to follow her and made him sit at the dining table. "Take care of Nate, Coulson." There was no way the woman would let Phil observe her do everything on her own. He might as well help with the baby, at least that first night. "Clean him up while I give the kids something to eat." Secretly, she hoped to find some cereal for Cooper and Lila, cause there was no way she'd be able to cook something.  
If Phil had any complaints about taking care of the baby, he voiced none, only following Natasha's orders and taking the baby out of the crib for a bath. He slightly patted Clint's shoulders once, only to get no reaction from him.  
When Natasha was about to put Lula down on a chair, the little girl started crying again, holding her arms tighter around the woman's neck.  
"Sweetie, I'm just going to get something for you and Coop to eat." She said, caressing the girl's hair "I'll be right here. You'll be able to see me all the time, I promise, ok?" And when the girl nodded, Natasha put her on the chair.  
The cabinet, for Tasha's relieve, was full of different types of cereal. She grabbed the first one she saw and poured it in two bowls, putting them in front of the children, who looked curiously at her.  
"Come on, guys..." She poured milk inside the bowls and put them closer to the children when they didn't even look at the food. "You know Auntie is not the best cook... Just eat this today and I'll make up to you tomorrow, ok?" The obedient children nodded and started eating the cereal.  
Cooper looked intensively at his bowl while Lila didn't even spare a glance at what she was eating, her eyes never leaving Natasha and her hand tightly clutched into hers.  
Coulson came back not long after the children started eating and rolled his eyes at the woman. "Cereal, Tasha? Really?"  
"Cook them something next time and you won't have to scold me about it." She said back.  
"I have to go." He didn't answer her comment "Send me a list of whatever you need and I'll send you the information you'll need. Nate's already asleep. Take care."  
Natasha had no strength to talk, so she forced herself to nod before Coulson walked out the door, bidding the kids goodbye.

After the kids ate, Natasha put them in bed. Firstly Lila, who took 15 minutes to fall asleep, tightly holding her aunt's hand, while Cooper waited by the bedroom door. When it was his time, he let Natasha walk him to his bedroom and nodded when she asked if he wanted her to stay with him until he fell asleep.  
When Natasha thought Cooper was asleep, she quietly stood up and tiptoed towards the bedroom door.  
"Are you going to take care of dad now?" She heard Cooper's faint voice.  
"Yes." Natasha answered, frozen in place.  
"Thank you, Auntie Nat." Cooper said and, before Natasha could say anything, he turned around and fell asleep.  
It was time to face Clint.

Walking back to the living room, Natasha found Clint exactly in the same position he was when she arrived in the house almost 2 hours ago. She almost thought he was asleep.  
It wasn't until she heard a faint sob that she realized he wasn't. Far from it, he was wide awake and aware of everything that had happened in that room.  
"Clint..." Natasha called while she sat beside him.  
"Tasha... I-" His voice was lower than a whisper and Natasha had to lean closer to hear his next words "couldn't save her."  
"Don't say that, Clint." The redhead put an arm around his shoulder trying to offer the comfort she wasn't sure she was able to give "It wasn't your fault... No one could've imagined..."  
"It shouldn't be an excuse to let my guard down..." He' said and Natasha knew it would do no good to discuss with him at that moment.  
"Let's talk about this later." She used her arm around him to pull him up with her, while she put her other arm around his abdomen for support "You need to rest."  
Clint said nothing as he leaned into Natasha's body, putting all his weight on her. He wasn't making anything easier for her, but she should never complain, not after what he'd been through, so she just kept waking, carrying him until they got to his bed and she dropped him there with a sigh.  
Clint laid still while Natasha took his shirt off, and his pants right after, leaving him on his boxers only. In other situation, he'd be laughing as she did that, and he would say "I appreciate your efforts, sweetie... But I'm married..." So he'd show her his wedding ring and she would playfully smack the injury that was incapacitating him to take his clothes off himself. But not that time. That time, he laid quiet and sad, and Natasha respected his silence and grief.  
"I'll wake you up at 9AM." She informed, pulling the blanket to cover his body "I'll ask Coulson to come and make breakfast before we go."  
There was no need for Natasha to tell Clint where they were going. Laura's funeral.


	3. Chapter 3

The funeral was everything Natasha expected a funeral to be. She'd never been to one, so she could only imagine before. The only addition was some people from the town that knew Laura, and made Natasha apprehensive because when a crime is committed the way it was with Laura, it meant that everyone was a potential suspect. Apparently she was the only one to worry about that, since Clint was focused on being strong for the children and everyone else was acting as if Laura had been their friends for ages. Natasha figured that was the feeling called empathy... Which meant that Steve didn't need to Clint's best friend to mourn his wife's death, and that Tony could actually stop being a jerk for a few hours just for the sake of people's feelings.  
Seeing everyone like that made Nataha wonder what was wrong with her, her friend had just died and she was more composed than those who barely exchanged words with her. She told herself that she was being strong for Clint and his children but what if it wasn't it? What if she was just as cold hearted as everyone claimed her to be and she just realized that now?  
That thought made her anxious enough to step away from Clint, whom she was supporting, and go try to find some place to breath.  
Breath in, breath out, Tasha. She told herself.  
"Tough day, isn't it?" The woman heard a familiar voice approaching her and did her best to compose herself before turning around and facing it.  
"Tell me about it, doc." Her effort to make her lips turn upwards didn't go unnoticed by Bruce, who walked closer.  
"You're a good friend, Tasha." He said, offering her a reassuring smile "Clint's lucky to have you..."  
"Is he?" She asked, raising an eyebrow "A member of my family just died and I can barely find the tears to cry. What a good friend, right?" She sighed. "Never been to one of those..." She motioned to the funeral behind them with her head "Don't really know how to behave... Even Tony knows how to behave and all I can think about is why am I not crying when it hurts like hell."  
"People react to death in different ways, Natasha. No one is disregarding your feelings just because you're not there crying your heart out." Bruce told her and turned around to look at the scene unfolding behind them, everyone with their heads low, the children crying and Clint barely able to hold them. "Look at them" Natasha did as she was told "They'll need you, you know that, right?!"  
"Everyone says they will..." She agreed with another sigh "But everyone also seems to forget what I am..."  
"Please enlighten me..." He encouraged.  
"Let's just say YOU are definitely not the monster on the team..."  
"Don't be harsh on yourself, Natasha. But I'm not just gonna pat your head and assure you otherwise" The doctor said and Natasha frowned.  
"What do you mean?"  
"So what? What if you are a monster?" He asked "Which I'm not saying you are." He quickly added, not wanting to hurt her feelings "Clint knows who you are. He understands who you are, what you are, whether a monster, as you see it, or not... So I ask you again, Natasha: does seeing yourself as a monster ever made you turn your back to your partner?" She shook her head "So I don't think you'll have any problems with that when helping them."  
Natasha nodded, thinking about Bruce's words. Clint never thought of her as anything less than a friend, even when she told him everything she's done, when she was still trying to shock him and push him away.  
"It was a nice talk, Natasha, but I'll have to go now. Thor has to go back to Asgard and Tony and I have a few things to solve at the lab... Steve said he would like to stay but I didn't think it was a good idea for now, so he's coming back with us."  
"Sure..." Natasha answered, absent-minded.  
"If you need anything..." He put a hand on her shoulder an she accepted it as a slightly awkward comforting act.  
"Thanks, doc. Feel free to visit anytime... It might take a while before we go back to New York... If Clint will even want to go back to New York."  
"You'll figure things out." Bruce said and Natasha nodded.  
They'd figure things out. They needed to. Natasha had a leave of absence in SHIELD for an unknown period of time, but she wasn't really the type of person to sit around and wait for people to do her job. There was still red in her ledger, and she wanted to wipe it out once and for all. Clint needed her, and she'd be there for him as long as he did, but when the time comes, if he ever decides not to go back to SHIELD, Natasha wasn't sure she'd be able to stay with him.  
"Doc..." Natasha called, as soon as she saw Bruce walking away from her, and he turned around, with a questioning glance "What's the cue?"  
"Excuse me?" Bruce raised an eyebrow "I didn't quite understood the question."  
"The funeral... When do I know when it's ending?"  
Bruce chuckled dryly before answering "It's ending." He announced, giving her an encouraging wink "Almost over now. You can do it, Natasha. Fury would never trust you a task you are not able to succeed. "  
"Let's hope so." She tried to smile, but it failed to reach her eyes. She could actually feel something wet on her face and that's when she realizing she'd been crying all along.


	4. Chapter 4

When the funeral was over, Natasha took Clint and his children to the car and entered the driver's seat, under curious glances from some of the people who were in the funeral.  
"Unwanted attention... Well done, Nat." She muttered scoldingly to herself as she turned the vehicle on. Now everyone would take rushed conclusions about her and her presence around the family who just lost a mother figure and 'oh! Look at that redhead, she's too close to the new widow in town' she could almost hear their thoughts.

"Don't mind them." Natasha looked to the passengers seat in shock after hearing Clint's voice. He hadn't spoken a word ever since the previous night, and Natasha wasn't expecting to hear him do it so soon.  
She knew Clint, knew how his mind worked, how his heart worked, she would never take it personal that he didn't talk to her before. He needed a moment of silence and peace, and Natasha would give it to him, even if that moment consisted of 12 hours and 24 minutes. But who was counting?  
"Right." She said and started driving, letting Clint drawn in his thoughts again.

The drive home was silent, the children were all sleeping in the backseat, and Natasha couldn't blame them. It was a rough night and a tiring day.  
Natasha herself didn't really have a good night of sleep, she actually didn't sleep at all. After putting Clint to bed, she laid in the couch and tried to rest her mind, but it didn't shut down easily so 1 hour later, she found herself making rounds on the house to see if everything was ok and cleaning the kitchen after checking all the doors and windows, along with the children and Clint. She had just some time to do some push-ups and take a shower after the cleaning session before Nate woke up and she focused on him, feeding, bathing and taking care of him until it was time to wake everyone else up.  
Drained would be the best word to describe Natasha as she drove them back home, and since she thought no one would actually notice because of the recent events, she forgot to hide her tiredness.  
"We have another 30 minutes drive." She heard Clint's voice beside her, but she didn't turn her head to look at him, she'd always been a focused driver. "I can take it..."  
She just shook her head. "You need to rest."  
"And so do you." He said back "You look exhausted, Nat."  
I'm not the one who lost a wife! She wanted to say, but she just shook her head again. "Rest!" She commanded and he sighed, giving up.

30 minutes later and they were home, as Clint said. Natasha opened the backseat door to wake the children up while Clint just walked back to the house, not sparring a glance to the car.  
She woke the kids and carried Nate home, as they dragged themselves following her behind.  
"You go take a shower and I'll prepare lunch." Natasha told the children as they walked in. Despite being almost 4 PM, they hadn't eaten after breakfast, so she had to make something that resembled a meal and not just cereal and milk in a bowl.  
"Auntie Nat, you can't cook." Lila reminded her and Natasha could swear she heard a giggle from the children.  
"Thank you for that reminder, sweetie. But I think I still remember how to make some mac and cheese." She said and they looked at her skeptically "I can!" She reassured them. "Now, I need you to take care of Nate while I do this, ok? So take turns on the bath and on babysitting" They nodded.  
"Will dad eat with us?" Lila asked.  
"I don't know, sweetheart. He's really tired... We'll see, ok?"  
"Ok, Auntie Nat."

As predicted, Clint didn't really went down to eat with the children, but only Lila seemed to mind that. When Natasha successfully finished preparing the mac and cheese, she called the children, who were sitting on the couch watching a random cartoon and taking care of Nate, to eat.

"I'm not going to eat unless daddy comes and eats with us." The little girl said, crossing her arms and pouting.

Cooper stood up and grabbed Nate from his crib, walking to the kitchen. "Well, I'm starving." He said "So I won't wait for anyone."

"Go ahead, Coop." Natasha said and he tried to give her an encouraging simile, he seemed to know it would be difficult to deal with Lila.

"Your dad is tired, Lila. He won't come down to eat with us." Natasha explained, watching years threaten to pour the girl's face "I'll bring his food later."

Lila shook her head and stomped on the floor, and Natasha realized a tantrum was about to come.

"Let's eat, Lila." She called once, but the girl started crying hard, throwing herself on the floor and punching it with her little fists.

Natasha exhaled. She never had much patience with kids giving these little shows, knowing how it would be dealt with in the Red Room. She was never the kid to throw tantrums, therefore, she had never put any effort into putting up with those who did.

"It's your choice, Lila." Natasha lowered herself to the girl's level and said, looking straight and coldly into her eyes. "Your food's on the plate, feel free to join us. It will be there until 8 PM, in case you change your mind. If you don't, breakfast is at 7." Lila had stopped crying by the time she realized Natasha wouldn't put up with her little show, while Natasha had already stood up and left the girl alone.

Natasha found Cooper already eating and Nathaniel sitting on the baby chair. She figured it would be better to feed the baby and Clint before feeding herself, so she started her task, focused, since she'd never been good at those motherly things.

2 minutes later, Lila showed up and walked to Natasha, looking her with puppy eyes.

"I'm sorry, Auntie Nat." Lila said and Cooper dropped his spoon in surprise.

Apparently Lila apologizing for something was not as frequent as it should be, because every time she threw a tantrum, someone would quickly baby her and calm her down, and usually it'd come along with giving her whatever she wanted. Natasha, on the other hand, wasn't really fazed with the apology and only stared at the young girl.

"Are you calmer now?" Natasha asked.

"Yes, Auntie Nat!" Lila answered.

"How old are you?"

"7, Auntie Nat."

"Remember that before crying for silly things next time." The woman said, coldly. "Do you want to sit and eat?"

"Yes, please."

"Your plate is over there." Natasha pointed at the plate beside Cooper, who still had his mouth opened in an awe.

Lila silently walked to the empty seat and started eating her food. A small grin appeared in Cooper's face when he looked at Natasha and she winked at him. He knew things were about to change.

After the children ate, Natasha put a movie for them to watch while she cleaned the kitchen and prepared Clint's food. Baby Nate was already in his crib and the kids were engaged on the movie.

Natasha walked up the stairs holding Clint's tray and entered his room after knocking seven times to let him know it was her, in case he was awake. She found him awake and staring at the ceiling as if something really interesting was happening there.

"I brought you your food." She announced, since he didn't look at her before.

Clint moved his head to face her and a dry and involuntary snort came from his mouth when he saw it. Natasha was holding a tray and had an annoyed look on her face, consequence of his previous reaction. But that wasn't even the funny thing...

"Nice apron..." He commented, smirking as she rolled her eyes.

"Shut up and eat." She retorted, leaving the tray by the bed.

"Tasha..." Clint called before she could walk out the door. "Keep me company, please." She nodded and sat on the bed while he did the same.

"How are the children doing?" Clint asked, after a few minutes of silence in the room. It was comfortable, it was what he needed, but he didn't want that.

"They're still shaken..." She answered "But there's nothing much to do now." Clint nodded, taking a bite of the food -which was surprisingly good.

"Lila did throw a tantrum today." She informed and he stopped chewing.

"And how was it?" He questioned, mouth still full.

"Chew your food properly." Natasha grimace at his lack of manners "It was annoying though... I didn't really know how to deal with it. So I just let her cry and went to feed Nate."

"And..."

"She apologized after two minutes or so."

"Wow! That was fast... And she's not even the one to apologize often." He raised an eyebrow to show how impressed he was and she only rolled her eyes again.

"Whatever."

"I've always had the impression you'd be the one to spoil her the most... However, you're the one who's constantly keeping her grounded." Clint commented and put the tray beside the bed after eating all the food.

"Well, what can I do if you spoil her for both of us?" Natasha asked and a smile appeared on Clint's face. The first one.

"She's a daddy's little girl." He said, shrugging.

"Indeed." Natasha agreed and stood up to grab the tray he used.

Before Natasha could take it, though, Clint held her wrist and made her look at him.

"How about you, Tasha?" Clint asked, with soft eyes but something dark in them. Grieve.

"You know very well that I'm not the 'daddy's girl' type." Natasha chuckled, dryly.

"You know that's not what I meant..." He said, not letting go of her wrist and making her sit on the bed to face him.

"What do you mean then?" Natasha was trying to be the most evasive possible and Clint knew that. And she knew he knew.

"How are YOU doing, Tasha?"

Natasha sighed at the straightforward question.

"I should be the last of your worries, Clint."

"No, you shouldn't. The kids cry because they're sad. They laugh because they're happy. They let me know their feelings just by voicing them." Clint said "You bottle everything up and I only get to know it when you explode... Or when you're about to, in some cases."

"So I'll let you know I'm not about to explode anytime soon, Clint." She crossed her arms and glared at him.

"That wasn't even what I asked." He glared back.

"That's the only answer you'll get."

"God, Tasha." Clint sighed, frustrated.

"What do you want from me, Clint?"

"An answer!"

"I already gave you one!"

"Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? Have you?" When Natasha shook her head, he continued "You look like a wreck."

"You sure do know how to make a woman feel gorgeous..." She snorted, not necessarily mad at him.

"Not funny, Nat. I can feel your exhaustion from here." He said, standing up from the bed.

When Natasha made a move to stand up too, Clint stopped her.

"You'll stay and sleep." He said, making it sound more like an order than an advice.

"The kids need to be put in bed." She protested.

"I'll take care of it."

Clint walked to the closet and tossed one of his shirts on the bed.

"Make yourself comfortable." He said, walking out the door. "I'll be back in half an hour."

Natasha grabbed the shirt and dressed herself on it to sleep. Clint and her were best friends, borrowing his shirt was just as usual as sleeping on his bed with him. That's why she wasn't even concerned when she slid under the covers of his bed.

As Clint said, 30 minutes later and he was back. Although Natasha had her eyes closed, she was not asleep and he knew that.

"Thank you, Tasha." He said, when he laid on the bed beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"It's nothing, Clint." She answered, not even opening her eyes, feeling the warmth from his bare chest on her back "That's what friends are for."

"Don't say it's nothing." Clint reprimanded, tightening the grip on her waist "You're a spy, not a housewife, Tasha. No one expects you to cook, clean and take care of three children that are not even yours to begin with. And here you are... We both know this is not your place, but you're still here, giving your best."

"And I'll be here for as long as you need me. I'll do it all a hundred thousand times if you need me to." She assured.

"And that's why I'm always thankful for having you." He said, giving her a kiss on the temple. "Now let's goo to sleep. We'll have a long day tomorrow."

"Good night, Clint."

"Night, Tasha."

 **A.N: I can't believe it took me 4 chapters to appear here with an author note... Blame it on my shy nature o_o hahahaha I don't really have a lot to say but thank you for all following, favoriting and commenting. I'll do my best not to disappoint you.**

 **Did you like this chapter? Let me know what you think... And also let me know what can I make better, please.**

 **Once again, thank you!**


	5. Chapter 5

Clint was right when he said they'd have a long day. That long day became a long week and that long week became two long months.

It'd been two months since that fateful day and things were going back to normal, or at least as normal as it was expected. The kids had gone back to school while Clint and Natasha did the housework. Clint decided he'd spare the kids and himself from Natasha's cooking and became the family chef, while Natasha helped him cleaning, taking care of Nate and did some paperwork for SHIELD.

Three weeks after the funeral, SHIELD had contacted her and, although she decided the Barton's were not ready to be left alone yet, she agreed on helping SHIELD at whatever she could from the farm. Natasha couldn't lie to herself though, she was dying to go back to the field, but tried not to show it. She didn't want to put any more weight on Clint's shoulders.

"We should go to the town some time."

Clint suggested one day while they were doing laundry.

"Should we?" Natasha asked, focused on her task.

"Yeah... With the kids, maybe."

"Hm..."

"Is that a Yes?"

"Do you want to go to the town?" She asked back.

"It would be nice..." He answered, sincerely.

Clint was dying to leave the farm and he knew Natasha was feeling suffocated, although she didn't show it. Maybe it would be a good experience for them all. Natasha, however, as eager as she was to go somewhere further than the barn she sparred in with Clint every morning, was more apprehensive about the idea. SHIELD was still clueless about Laura's murderer and, in Natasha's eyes, everyone was the potential criminal.

"If you want to go, then let's do it." Natasha said, after putting some thought into the idea.

She would take her guns with her, of course, then she'd make Clint carry Nate, since he wouldn't bring any guns with him, and she'd look after Lila and Cooper, who were more active and could attract more trouble.

"You're thinking about what guns to take, aren't you?" Clint asked with a snort. There was no way to lie to him.

"I was..." She confessed, feeling a bit embarrassed at being busted.

"Take that pet pistol of yours..." He suggested as if it were a normal conversation for them. It actually was. "And one of those knifes I gave you last Christmas might be helpful."

Natasha nodded.

"I'm not oblivious to the danger, Tasha." When she looked at him as he spoke, he flashed her a sad smile. "But I'm not going to hide inside the farm until SHIELD catches the bastard.

Clint was right, Natasha knew. She also knee hiding was never something that pleased Clint and he would leave the farm sooner or later, so it'd be better if she were by his side when he did. Besides, the children were already back to school - although they both knew SHIELD had just as many agents undercover in there as actual teachers - and it would be nice for them to breathe different airs.

"I know. And that's why I'm agreeing to go with you. It's better if you and the kids go there first while..." Natasha stopped mid-sentence, she didn't know how to complete that thought without addressing the other situation that was bothering her.

"While you're still here, right?" Clint completed it for her, naturally. "Come on, Tasha. You don't think I know you miss going on field missions? I always knew you'd leave the farm and go back to SHIELD sooner or later... You're actually exceeding my expectations. I thought you'd leave at their first call."

Natasha had no doubts, it was clear that hiding things from Clint were impossible. But still, Natasha couldn't help being surprised at him, since she was doing her best not to show how badly she missed going on missions.

"I'm..." She didn't really know what to say. She wanted to apologize fore leaving, but she also wanted to assure him she'd only leave if he told her things would be okay without her there.

"It's fine, Tasha... I know." He out the clothes he was holding on the balcony and reached her for a hug.

"If you tell me to stay..." She said, face buried into his neck. "I stay."

"I would never do that." He replied, caressing her hair. "Things will be fine. I just think the kids will want to have you back home after you finish your job instead of having you back only for Christmas and birthdays." He chuckles and felt her breath on his neck, doing the same.

"I can manage that." She said.

They hugged each other in silence for some time, until they heard the door open and the kids quick steps.

They broke their hug and Natasha managed to say "Don't tell the kids yet." before Cooper and Lila found them.

"Don't tell us what?" Cooper asked, as soon as he saw his father and aunt.

Clint reacted quickly, before Natasha could even think about an answer.

"That we're going to the town next weekend... It was supposed to be a surprise." Clint pouted - or at least pretended to - and Natasha swore she could see a sparkle in the children's eyes.

Lila and Cooper exited the laundry jumping and beaming while the adults followed right after.

"You're going to need your lying abilities back before you go out on solo missions." Clint muttered, mockingly.

"Shut up." Natasha managed to punch his arm in annoyance before Cooper turned back to look at them. When the little boy did, she had a great fake smile on her face while Clint was trying not to show pain.


	6. Chapter 6

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Natasha's last call. Only three months after she'd gone back to SHIELD without him and Clint was already threatening to hack into the agency's files due to the lack of contact. Of course he'd tell the children she called, clint would make up excuses, like saying she was in a different timezone and could only call when the children were at school.

Clint cleaned the kitchen for the second time that night and was about to go to the third one when he heard a noise outside the house. He grabbed the nearest knife and walked to the front door carefully, thanking heavens the children were already asleep. The retired spy was about to throw one knife at the door as a warning, but something he saw made him stop. Red hair.

A speech was already set and ready in Clint's head for when he opened the door, but as soon as he did that and took a look at her, the speech was long gone.

"I bet you wish I only visited on Christmas and birthdays now." Natasha managed to say, with a faint chuckle, before collapsing.

"Tasha!" Clint was fast to catch her before she fell, as usual… somethings never change.

Natasha woke up feeling the soft sheets covering her. There was a blur in her mind but she could figure out where she was. The scent of the sheets was too familiar for her not to know. How she got there, however, was the real question. She remembered an explosion, a shot, the jet and Clint's face, she'd have to work from there. A shot…

"Ouch…" She felt her leg stinging. Looking down, there was already a bandage there and she made a mental note to thank Clint for that.

"Sleeping beauty is awake." Natasha heard Clint say from the door frame, not sure of how long he'd been there to see her wake up and process everything.

"Hi." She greeted with a husky voice, feeling her mouth dry as she spoke.

As if reading her mind, Clint handed her a glass of water, which she took with shaky hands and brought to her mouth, drinking it all. Clint said nothing for a while, he just stood there, looking at her, while she drank her glass of water and stared back at him.

After a few seconds of comfortable silence, he smiled.

"It's good to have you back." He said.

"I wish I could be back in a different state." She sighed. "I'm…"

"Don't you dare apologize…" Clint cut her as soon as he realized what she was going to say.

"But I…"

"No." He cut her again and smirked as he saw the cold stare she was giving her for cutting her again. "It's not your fault. I was worried. You're hurt." Clint sighed. "You're here, that's what matters."

"You don't need more complications…" Natasha said, crossing her arms and feeling pain irradiate from the upper part of her body. She grimaced.

Tired of standing next to the bed, Clint sat on it, facing her partner - he refused to call her ex partner, although he knew they were not partners anymore -, and put a hand on her leg, the one that wasn't injured. She looked at him and he could see guilt in her eyes, guilt for being there and taking his time.

The man couldn't understand how could Natasha feel like she was nothing but a complication to him. Even when Laura was still alive, he knew she felt like part of the family, but he also knew she sometimes felt like a weight he had to carry around with him - that was what she said during one of their fights that always ended with them not talking to each other for days -, and he couldn't understand that. After all she'd done, helping his kids, helping him, and helping Laura when she was still alive, Natasha shouldn't think like that.

"You're never a complication, Tasha." When Clint said that, Natasha laughed, and laughed until her ribs hurt and she winced.

"I'm the one whose mind is blurry and you're the one saying nonsense." She said, when she stopped laughing.

"But you aren't…" Clint said. "You're complicated, for sure." He said and she chuckled. "But not a complication. You're presence here is never troublesome, and you know that."

Natasha didn't want to argue. Her sides hurt, her leg hurt and her head was heavy, so she just blinked and decided to change the subject.

"How are the kids?" She asked.

"I'm not calling you out on changing the subject because you're injured." He said and she rolled her eyes, only to regret it afterwards.

"You just did, though."

"The kids are at school, Nathaniel is taking a nap." Clint sighed after explaining. "You've been asleep for 14 hours, so they already know you're here." He saw her smile. "I told them you needed to rest but you'd definitely talk to them when you were one hundred percent rested… Lila made me promise that ninety-nine was not enough. Only a hundred percent." He chuckled, Lila was really fond of Natasha.

"You have such amazing kids. How can you have such amazing kids like that?" She wondered.

"I guess they take after their mother…" Clint said with a sigh and Natasha's smile faded.

"How are you holding up?" She asked, thinking if that was the appropriate time to talk to him about the mission she was in before getting injured. It was about Laura's case, but it was classified and Coulson had insisted on telling her not to talk to Clint about it. But now that she was there, seeing his sad eyes when Laura was mentioned, she didn't know if she could keep it from him.

"I'm trying… They say time heals everything, don't they?" He half shrugged half smiled. "I'm waiting for it. And doing my best for the kids, of course."

"Of course." Natasha agreed and looked away. Looking at him would make her want to tell him about the mission, and she couldn't do that. Coulson would scold her to the hell and back.

"Nat…" Clint realized she was hiding something from him. He was always able to tell.

"We found him…" Natasha spit it out, not looking into his eyes. "Old enemy. We were instructed to proceed with caution, but…" She sighed.

"Tasha." Clint called her again to make her look at him, and she did. All he saw in her eyes was regret… and somehow pain.

"I've never done something like this. Never let my anger interfere in any missions… but this time I just…" She couldn't finish. "When I saw him, I just… Lost control, somehow."

Clint waited for her to say something else, gave her time, but he was also consumed by curiosity and anger. Anger towards the guy who killed his wife, and not towards Natasha who looked rather apologetic about losing control. "And?" He squeezed her tight gently, to encourage her to tell him more.

"The mission was only to bring him back for interrogation." Natasha said and Clint nodded. Of course SHIELD would want to interrogate the guy, know his motivations, his tactics, unlike Clint who would only put an arrow through his head and feel at least a little bit avenged.

Thinking that was the end of the story, that everything had gone wrong, Natasha had been shot but in the end, SHIELD had the guy and was now asking him all the questions Clint didn't even want to know, instead of killing him, Clint stood up to get one more glass of water to Natasha.

"He's dead." Natasha quickly said as her partner - she couldn't really think of him as an ex partner either - stood up. She said it so fast that Clint wasn't sure he heard it well, so he turned around and faced her, expecting her to say something else. "Headshot." That's what she said, and Clint could feel a weight being lifted from his shoulders, until he heard her next words. "I'm sorry." The redhead said.

"You're sorry for…?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"It was not my place to do that. You should be the one to… you know… avenge your wife's death and, even knowing that, I couldn't bring myself not to shoot him as soon as I looked at him." Natasha explained and looked at Clint with the most confused eyes when he actually smiled at her.

"You shouldn't be sorry for that." He walked closer to her and ruffled her hair, and she sighed in annoyance, Natasha hated when he did that. "At least he's dead. And I wouldn't be able to go on missions and kill him, anyways. If anything, I'm glad you were the one to do it other than anyone else. I know you wanted to avenge Laura just as much as I did."

"But you didn't get your closure…" Natasha protested.

"Why? Because I wasn't the one to kill him?" He asked and snorted. "It doesn't matter if I didn't do it, as long as the one who did it cared for Laura just as much as I did." Clint said that to end the subject, he knew how tired Natasha must have been and wanted her to rest. "Now go back to sleep and I'll cook lunch. I'll wake you up when it's ready and the kids are here." Natasha nodded as he kissed her temple, something he was used to doing, before standing straight again and walking to the door.

"Tasha?" Clint called before leaving the room.

"Hm?" She asked, with her eyes already closed.

"If he's dead, how can you have that many injuries?"

"The bastard had some friends. There was an explosion. Some shots. And now I'm here. That's all I know." She said, not opening her eyes. "I'm not sure about how I got him, or how's everyone else at SHIELD, Fury must be pissed. All I'm sure of is putting a bullet straight between that bastard's eyes."

Clint nodded, understanding, as he left the room, with a small smile on his face and his shoulders a hundred thousand times lighter.

 **—**

 **A/N.:** OMG being back almost 1 year later… I'm so sorry. I can only blame school for that. I'm really sorry. And I'm sorry but I'm not sure about how consistently I'm going to update. At least once a month until I finish it, I'm sure about that, but I don't know if I can make it into a weekly thing. I don't even know if people still read this story, actually… I know nothing anymore I just hope whoever reads it can enjoy this update and keep reading it even if I can only post small chapters once a month.

Ok, I'm writing too much on this note. Sorry. Sorry again. I'll stop apologizing now.

Bye bye! Talk to you next chapter (There will be a next chapter, I promise!)


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